I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
