It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
