Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
