So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
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