ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
