Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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