I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
