Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
