then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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