if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
