I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
