Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
