Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
