I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Randomize
