Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
