I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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