My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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