he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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