i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Found the puke drawer
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
