Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
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