we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
40s are totally the cure
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
