I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
