i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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