Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
