If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Randomize
