Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
