In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
