6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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