marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
