a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
