Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
