If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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