Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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