so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
