can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
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