You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
