i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Randomize
