If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Randomize
