sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
