"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
