I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Damn victory sex feels great
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
