I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
