it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
