I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
