if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
no, he came in my armpit
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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