How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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