you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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