DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
