Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
