i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
