what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
