I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
