I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
