he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
