my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
