your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
