Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize