coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
