if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
