Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
