Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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