oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
