just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
